Why do people with mental health issues talk about it so often?

So this is a question that many people often ask. While some get annoyed by hearing about the same thing again and again, some are genuinely curious to know why someone would want to relive their trauma through the constant reminder. So here are my two cents on the matter.

As someone who belongs to the community of people fighting mental health issues (I say community because it really is an issue that no one understands unless they’ve been through it, no matter how many times they try to reassure you with “I get it, I was depressed that one time too” — btw if you do that, just shut up and learn the difference between being upset and having clinical depression), I feel like I should put out my views on the subject. While everyone may not agree, this is my understanding of the psyche behind it. Or at least, this is why I think I talk about it so often.

When you’re at your lowest phase, there comes a time when you see no future for yourself. You know the interview question, “Where do you see yourself 10 years down the line”? Forget 10 years, we can’t even see a future of 10 days. We start living each minute with a little prayer to help us with the strength to just get past it. We wake up every day with a prayer for the day to just be over as fast as possible because we’re scared of what our brains might hit us with. Then for some, there comes a point when you start questioning why you’re even putting yourself through the torture of waking up each day. You start wondering if you’re being a burden on everyone else who has to walk on eggshells around you to keep you stable. You start wondering if everyone else would just be better off without you.

So when you finally gather the courage to seek help and push these thoughts away, it’s a feeling of great victory. It’s a tiny sense of accomplishment among many disappointments. Why do you need “courage” to seek help? Because people with mental health disorders are seen as broken people. It’s not a broken bone for which you can just decide to walk into a hospital. For mental illnesses, it takes a lot of self acceptance and courage to admit that there’s a problem that needs to be fixed. And in most cases, it’s a soul-shattering moment to accept and say it out loud that you need help. In my case, I broke down when I told my dad I was ready to take help. I couldn’t even get the words out of my mouth properly because I cried harder than I’d ever cried before.

So when you finally do, you feel strong and brave for not giving up on yourself. But at the same time, you’re scared of a relapse. So even after years, you continue talking about it because mental health is a battle that you never really win for good. It’s a battle you have to fight every day. It finds its ways to creep back into your life when you least expect it. It’s a trauma that you never forget. The fear of being “too happy that it might get jinxed” settles in your mind for life. It changes your DNA in a matter of speaking. You’re no longer the person you were before you got hit by this truck called a mental health disorder. If I met myself from the time before this all started, I wouldn’t even recognise that person. I don’t think I even remember what it’s like to go to bed without a single negative thought. I don’t remember what it’s like to wake up with a tinge of excitement for whatever reasons. I don’t remember what it’s like to eat something without first looking at the ingredients to check for something that could cause a racing heart and flare up my anxiety. I don’t know what it’s like to excitedly say yes to a plan without first thinking about an exit strategy in mind. Now I just consider myself lucky if I have a single day without an anxiety flare up or a no-reason crying session.

So yes, when you gather the courage and take help, you continue talking about it, not for others, but for yourself. Because somewhere, subconsciously, you’re just reassuring yourself that you’re not in that deep dark pit anymore. You’re reminding yourself of the victory so that you continue to feel brave and don’t let those thoughts win again.

For the ones listening to us yap about it all the time, sure it can get annoying. But we’re not doing it for you. We’re doing it for ourselves. If it annoys you, walk away. It’s really that simple.