I guess I have always been the kind who needed some form of attention to be centered on me. I’ve been told that when I was a kid I often sang songs at Dad’s official Naval parties and my Dad had to literally drag me out of there! (If you knew me personally you’d say I was lying because I look like the sternest version of say.. Professor Umbridge may be!) But yeah, I’ve been the kind to fool around, screw up and still always love the attention – positive and negative, both.
But as you grow, your definition of accepted attention changes. What was once a strong desire to be the center of attraction on birthdays, changes to the part where you love to show off your achievements and may be hideaway in your ‘winter palace’ (air conditioned rooms in the hottest month of the year) on birthdays.
So as weird as it may sound, I am an awkward attention seeker. I love every bit of it but I get awkward wondering if I deserve it. “Have you earned it?” is one question that often drives me mad, quite literally. Year after year your age increases in number but what is it that you can call ‘yours’? What is it that will make you proud enough to accept all the attention that you get. Just a while ago I had a conversation with a friend about birthdays and enjoying every bit of it. But my question is, what have you done to deserve it? Sure it’s your ‘birthday’, but why does it need to be a day full of celebrations and gift-showering and awkward phone calls? If anything, I think it should be a day of celebration for your parents because you’re their achievement in a way. They got you in this world.
Many might read this and say ‘Oh God, she’s bonkers!’ But this is just my opinion. I am an awkward attention seekers who demands attention at every step but gets awkward when she starts questioning its need.
PS: I also think that birthdays are really not about you. They are about meeting the expectations of others who demand that you throw a party.